NBA Tradepocalypse Winners & Losers: Twitter Edition

If you’re curious about the actual trades that went down during yesterday’s deadline, take a look here.

While you were at work yesterday, minding your own business during the NBA trade deadline, NBA Twitter melted. For real. The craziest trade deadline of my lifetime coincided with everyone on Twitter reacting like they had just looked directly into the Ark of the Covenant. 11 or 12 trades (depending on who you ask) featuring 30+ players, 4,503 draft picks and Alexey Shved all happened in the blink of eye. Yesterday was all types of crazy, unless of course you were Brook Lopez.

Let’s take a look at what happened on Twitter, those who won and who lost the deadline in 140 characters or less.

 

Winner – Yahoo! NBA reporter Adrian Wojnarowski

There’s not enough room here to post every single trade and transaction he broke, but I’d suggest scrolling through his Twitter timeline from yesterday to grasp the full magnitude of what was accomplished. Woj is most likely safely back in whatever underground bunker he lives in between trade deadlines, buyout periods and free agency, wearing Beats by Dre and listening to Aloe Blacc on repeat.

The guys got a Frank Underwood in basically every NBA office, and he’s on the ground floor of every legitimate trade rumor. Between 2 and 3 PM Eastern yesterday, Woj was the first to break EVERY trade that happened. He’s basically the opposite of Chris Broussard.1 At this point no one else should report any trade rumors in the NBA, we should all just be sitting at Woj’s feet as he makes 8,000 phone calls while sitting on the Iron Throne.

 

Winner – Joel Embiid

This is old news, as the Sixers rookie has owned Twitter since the day he was drafted last June, but that doesn’t mean it should go unmentioned. Joel Embiid is the best, and a small part of me wishes that he’d quit basketball altogether and just become the 76ers official Twitter ambassador/mascot. I mean at this point anything’s better than their new dancing blue dog:

Because when I think of the historical significance of a city like Philadelphia, I picture THIS:

 

Winner – The Atlanta Hawks Twitter Account

When you’ve ripped off a 19-game winning streak and sit atop the Eastern Conference standings, there’s no need for trades.

 

Winner – Draft Picks

Somehow, draft picks in the NBA have become so valuable that a team decided to trade one of its best players for a first round pick in 2021. Wait, what?!?

Only in the NBA can hope be manufactured so much through the possibility of maybe getting a good player in the future. “I know he was one of our best players, but MAYBE we’ll get an even better player after you’ve lived FIVE MORE YEARS OF YOUR LIFE! Maybe not though! By the way, wanna buy season tickets for our team that’s going 3-852 during those five years? Go team go!!”

Could you imagine if that’s how people acted in the real world? “I was going to propose with a diamond ring, but instead here’s this igneous rock that might have a crystalized diamond formation inside, just check back in 300 years.”

Speaking of draft picks…

 

Loser – the Philadelphia 76ers Fan Base

Michael Carter-Williams, supposedly a big part of the team’s future championship aspirations, and K.J. McDaniels, a surprise rookie doing great things (and son of a possible crazy person), were both dealt for future draft picks. Currently, the Sixers have more draft picks than actual players on their roster. I didn’t confirm that anywhere, but it’s probably true. There’s an 85-90% chance that by 2018, their entire starting roster will just be made up future first round picks and no actual players. There’s a 99% chance that team will still end up with a better record than the Knicks.

Wikipedia was even amended to properly reflect the mood in Philly:

 

Loser – Los Angeles Lakers

I’m pretty optimistic at the prospects of winning PowerBall this year, too. Byron and I have, basically, the same odds for our optimism. Good times all around.

 

Loser – Me

I mean aside from the bevy of reasons why I’m already a loser in general, a part of me died inside after reading Kobe Bryant’s GQ Interview early last week in which stated that he (paraphrasing) “can never be and/or have a great friend”. For the better part of a decade, my life’s goal has been to become Kobe’s best friend, so this was a real hit to my childhood dreams2.  Then again, there’s still a chance I can be the one to change him, a la Anastasia Steele in 50 Shades of Grey.

Sidenote: I’m not embarrassed to have seen that movie whatsoever, because it was awesomely terrible. I’m not joking, it was filled with so much unintentional comedy that I debated breaking it down in blog post, similar to the way you would with an NBA Finals recap. At one point “Christian” says, after a scene in which he gives whatever you would call his girlfriend/sex slave/hardware store worker a goddamn bubble bath3, “I’m just 50 shades of fucked up”. That was an actual line in the movie, and a published author wrote that down in a book where one of the main characters was, for real, named Anastasia Steele4. That book sold something like a fafillion copies.

 

A few more of my favorites from yesterday’s deadline:

 

 

About Rory Goulding

Rory is a Long Island native working in sports production, spending his time between New York and Connecticut. Rory is an avid football fan, and lover of all things basketball not named LeBron James. He spends his free time competing in professional hopscotch tournaments.
Twitter: @DoogieSchrat

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