My Thoughts & Reflections on Paternity Leave

This spring, I took a few months of baby bonding leave with my youngest daughter, Tierney. In late 2019, I authored a post about the lessons learned during my first experience on paternity leave. This time around, my leave felt quite different. We weren’t living in a pandemic and hadn’t experienced the shift to hybrid work that came with it. 

As I did 2+ years ago, I wanted to reflect back on the lessons learned during these 2.5 months with my two daughters and wife, Meredith.

Prioritizing my childrens’ health:

Since September 2021, we have been dealing with recurring croup with our oldest daughter, Summer. Croup is an upper airway infection that blocks breathing and is unfortunately common amongst toddlers. The hallmark signs of croup are a barking cough and stridor breathing (the latter of which is noisy breathing that occurs due to the obstructed air flow). After two ER visits in the fall, we were prescribed a nebulizer and the proper medication to treat the condition when it arose, which was often (about once every 4-6 weeks). The regular symptoms and all-night affairs dealing with Summer’s croup left us strung out and exhausted.

The time off from mid April to late June allowed me to go deeper with several different specialists to see if there was a larger issue with Summer’s airway. Thankfully, after three separate visits with a pulmonologist, an ENT and X-rays, Summer was cleared with a bill of good health for her upper airway. My children’s and wife’s health is the fulcrum of my happiness. I am eternally grateful for the time I had off that allowed for the flexibility to schedule these various appointments. It made me feel such compassion for parents of chronically ill children who have to take their own PTO to manage doctor’s appointments.

Growth comes from being comfortable with being uncomfortable:

I live by this adage and apply this approach to both my work and personal life.

In the last 2+ years, Meredith and I have missed a ton of births and babies who have gone from newborns to toddlers. Early in my paternity leave, I committed that I would fly with Tierney to the east coast and do a daddy-daughter road trip to see 8 different families. For most of these families (5 of the 8), I had not yet met their children.

While the trip was certainly challenging at moments (including de-planing on the way to LaGuardia), building this travel muscle and sense of adventure with our children is important to us. I strongly believe in getting outside of one’s comfort zone to have different experiences to push for growth both in myself and for my children. People thought I was crazy for flying solo with Tierney to New York and then proceeding to drive solo with her for 222 miles. In addition to the roadtrip, she also experienced the New York City subway, as well as Long Island Railroad and the airtrain at Newark Airport. I look at this 6-day adventure as a growth experience for Tierney, while also allowing us quality time where I could not be distracted by work or my phone. I had to be 100% committed to tending to and supporting Tierney, even if I pushed her a little too hard.

The importance of my spouse’s mental and emotional health and wellbeing:

My wife and I went out to dinner (a rare occasion) right before New Year’s when she shared with me that she was not doing well. Throughout the ensuing months she dealt with a serious bout of depression and anxiety that required professional treatment and therapy. While she was dealing with her symptoms, we still had to manage two young children, the stresses of our two careers and all of the other day-to-day stressors that all of us feel on a daily basis.

By stepping away from my work full-time in mid-April, I was able to support my wife in her recovery and her mental health journey, while leaning into my responsibilities as a father and husband. By having the time to attend to our daughters, I was able to alleviate some of the stress and anxiety that Meri was experiencing throughout these months, which enabled her the space and time to recover.

The benefits of having more head space to apply to my classwork:

I finished my 16-month Financial Management and Decision Making certificate through the University of Chicago in June. I wrote about the lessons learned in this LinkedIn post from June. Without rehashing what I articulated in my post last month, I’m grateful that I had time to roll up my sleeves and attend every session of my last class synchronously.

My learning experience and connection to my classmates and professor were greatly enhanced due to being 100% present and being able to lean into every assignment, forum and activity. There were times throughout this 40-week certificate where I had to balance the demands of classwork with being a parent, an employee and a husband (that included many late nights completing my homework). With the time off from work, I was able to prioritize and apply my undivided attention to every assignment. I deeply appreciate and am grateful that I had this opportunity to finish my program sprinting through the finish line.

Breathing life into my home brings me a deep level of satisfaction and sense of accomplishment:

I get great joy and satisfaction out of solving problems and breathing new life into homes. As a knowledge worker, I find that much of my day is spent in front of computers and on video conferences. I love my job, but I also understand the value of making and creating things. I get my mind right when I’m working with my hands and redoing a bathroom, replacing our attic insulation or staining a deck.

While I have improved as a cook since the onset of the pandemic, I get true joy and satisfaction from taking on large-scale home improvement projects. During the last 2.5 months, I found space to take on a few projects that were challenging but rewarding.

While the shape of my paternity leave was certainly different than in late 2019, I learned that my childrens’, wife’s and my physical and mental health comes before everything else. I am eminently grateful for a company that enables and empowers its employees to take time to be 100% with their children and families. I’m grateful for a company that allows me the flexibility to take baby bonding leave at different times (nearly 10 months after the birth of Tierney). I not only felt supported but was told to stop checking ping at times. I deeply appreciate all of my co-workers and teammates who pushed me to be present and enjoy the time with my family. If you have the opportunity to take this leave yourself, I encourage you to take the baby bonding leave. You won’t regret it.